No one can ever be ready for cancer. Heck, why would you be ready for cancer? Yes, you can have a secure medical insurance plan but nothing could ever prepare you for the train wreck of watching the one you love hooked into a million different tubes.
What to do then? You live and learn. Take one day at a a time. Make mistakes. Found out which food works and those that makes them vomit (or simply left at the counter for hours..or being twirled and tossed around the plate… you get the idea). Fight to find the balance of protecting them and making sure they are living their lives to the fullest. Feel the pinch and the twist of your heart when all that you want to do is switch places with them, then learn to let go and be grateful that you have the privilege to hold his/her hands through this valley.
I am just a sister, yes, but having a divorced parents makes me somewhat of a shadow mum for my brothers. All that I ever wanted was keeping them safe and sound. When chemo kicks in and leaving Andrew with zero white blood cells, all I wanted was to put him in a bubble wrap. Do you have any idea what happen if you put a kid in a big bubble though? They suffocate. So no, you can’t do that.
Learn that it’s okay to let go and forgive yourself when you forgot to make their smoothies. Or if their room is not warm enough. Or when they hate what you cook. It’s okay. Cancer doesn’t make us stop living. We just need to learn to navigate through the nooks and the cranny of this stupid sickness and still be able to laugh and enjoy live.
Auds xx
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