Ok. You might read this AFTER the big phone call/doctor appointment. We got our call at midnight, 8 hours flight from where Andrew was. My first reaction is that we have to get him home. Then we found out that his white cells count skyrocketed due to his cancer cells so he is not suitable for airplane travel. The risk of him bleeding was on a non-fun zone, which makes it a no-go.
There was a couple of stuff that we need to sort out after we got the news. Some of them are pretty full-on. These are what we found a bit tricky to manoeuvre, what we did and why we decided to do it:
How to tell "everyone"
This is the hard one. Andrew told dad and dad told me and we were both confused and scared...to relay the news to mum. There's always that one person in the family that are a little bit fragile. The trick is just to let them know as clean as a positive as possible. At this stage most likely you wouldn't have known what the game plan yet. Be precise and clean-cut. Give them some time to cry and process the news. I'm the kind of person who like to get stuff planned and sorted (yes, and by that I mean I am a control freak). If you are like me, please allow some people time. They might labelled you as insensitive or "in denial". Everyone process things differently. Sleep and pray on it.
For people in the outer circle, get someone to spread the news. If you have friends who are blabbermouth put them in good use. Tell them and get them to tell people. Best friends also great for 'missions' like this. This will save you from having to tell and re-tell a million people (ok more like tens or hundreds at most). Social media also works like magic. Make sure all your inner circle are well-informed before you post anything on; the last thing we want is to offend people and create drama. Ergh.
Arrangements of who should be "there".
At this point everyone wants to jump in and help. Remember, cancer is a long journey. I's exhausting. So spread the help as wide as possible. Get family to rotate the visiting hours. At the beginning of Andrew's stay in the hospital EVERYONE comes. I mean EVERYONE. By the third cycle of his chemo he barely have any visitor. It is ok to tell people to pace themselves. If they offer help, rides, food etc. ask them the specifics of what kind of help they want to offer and if you need it, don't hesitate to ask. Really. If people want to help, let them.
Getting second opinions
Second opinions, in a way, is more of a reality check for everyone as well as making sure the person you love get the best medical care. Second opinion(s) are the most hazy, noisy, and opinionated part of this journey. Everyone (including myself) secretly wish that second opinions can prove the first opinion wrong- which is completely normal.
There are a couple of stuff that I found helped during this period. First, keep them as clean-cut as possible. Limit yourself to a certain number of doctors. Family doctor(s) are the best person to refer or to give second opinion as they already earn your trust throughout the year.
Second, two or three "second opinions" are enough, especially if the person need immediate care. When we got Andrew's diagnosis, his white blood was through the roof. He need to start chemo immediately to make sure he didn't bleed to death, pretty much. Chemo is sort of a no-turning-back point. I asked Andrew to email his medical files and email them like crazy to our family doctors, friends who are a doctor and some people that we got referred to. I got replies in a day to confirm that the first diagnosis was right. The next week Andrew got a very fancy line on his chest and a good dose of chemo.
Figuring out the finances.
Ahhhh my favourite part...NOT. This should be on number one because after I put down the phone my first thought was: how on earth are we going to pay for all the bills? Cancer is the most expensive disease in the world. I've heard so many scary stories of how they have to stopped treatments because the family did not have enough funds. At this stage what we did just to take it one step at a time. I will be writing about some ways of fundraising in the later stage. But seriously, there are always ways. Always.
Those are the four big stuff that came up after we got the big news. If you have any questions or if you find some stuff that I might have missed, please left a comment here and I'll try to answer or discuss it. Hope this is helpful. Just take it one day at a time, 'kay?
Auds xx
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