Being Around (and Trying to Act Normal)

It is hard to be around people who just found out they have cancer; and it gets harder because in your mind your feel guilty for feeling bad because, well obviously, they had cancer. The big question is always: how do you behave around sick, and possibly dying, people? I know it sounds harsh and selfish but if you are honest, that thought will cross your mind. Also, the thought of losing someone so close to your heart will tear your heart and mind apart. You are only human.

The best way to deal with this is actually admitting how crappy and sucky life is at this moment. Weep with those who weep, right? Not pretend to be strong when someone is weeping. Sometimes the only thing that work is simply sit and hold them while they cry.

Two important things that are a big NO-NO are:

Pity. This is the worst thing that people can give to someone with cancer. They don't need your pity; they need your hope and faith to lean on. Pity makes them feel like a victim; and that is the WORST feeling in the world.

Focusing on us. You are sad, I get it. They are sad-er. Don't make their experience about you. This is not the time of your triumph story or wobbling on how sad you feel. Focus on them and their well-being. Dig stuff in their life that they can lean on. Start talking about their wins, not ours. Do stuff (or encourage them to do) that makes them happy; even though it bores you. The one thing that my brother loves to do is board game. We played so many board game during our hospital stays. He loves kicking our butts and even though I don't exactly love losing. Sometimes I have to postpone some "important" stuff -such as hospital paperworks or fundraising- because he really, REALLY wants to play. Trust me, once the chemo kicks in they'll be plenty of time for you to do what you need to do because they will be sleeping!

All those things being said, you do need to take care of yourself. This is why you have friends (healthy ones, preferably) who can support and cope with your whining. Trust me, you need friends to keep your sanity!

Auds xx